Throwback Thursday: Microwave Ovens

51ggf9VBaXL._SL1000_Our GE microwave oven quit working last week. It’s about five years old, and I read in the customer reviews for a similar model that they only last about five to seven years. We have a built-in above-counter shelf that was designed for a fairly large microwave, so I ordered another one. I measured carefully, or so I thought, but when it arrived, it was too deep for the space. I hadn’t allotted for the several inches that the electrical cord and plug takes up in the back. And, the specifications online don’t allow for the curved-out space on the back of the microwave where the fan (?) or other parts are encased. All that to say, we had to pack it up to return it and order a smaller one.

Scan 1Meanwhile, we have a really small one that we used to use in our master bathroom, which was upstairs in a previous house, so we’re using it temporarily. It’s amazing how dependent we’ve become on a microwave oven! This started me thinking back to the early days of our marriage, and trying to remember when we got our first one. This picture is from June 17, 1970. It’s one week after our wedding, and I’m cooking and serving the first meal I ever cooked. Ever. (I was barely 19 years old.) It’s oven-baked chopped-up steak and vegetables of some sort. I remember following the recipe, lots of chopping, baking in one of our new Corningware casseroles, and it coming out really tender and tasty.

Scan 2We didn’t have a table yet, so here’s Bill eating on our TV trays. And of course, we didn’t have a microwave. Although they were available for use in homes starting in 1967. But I can’t remember when we got our first one. Probably a few years later, when the prices began to come down.

I was discussing this with a friend today who quit using hers ten years ago, due to the warnings about possible health hazards. I also remember a discussion from about ten years ago with a woman who is a gourmet cook and doesn’t have or like microwaves. I’ve read about how they destroy so much of the nutritional value of the foods and other health issues, but I’m not ready to part with mine. And I don’t really “cook” a lot in it… other than to steam frozen vegetables. Mainly we re-heat leftovers in it, and we do that quite a bit.
So, do you use a microwave? How often and for actual cooking or just re-heating? It’s always fun to hear from readers… here or on Facebook.

Happy Throwback Thursday!

The Elephant’s Mother’s Nose

memory-test-002Yesterday afternoon I had an interview to decide if I qualify for long-term care insurance. I remember when my mother had this interview, which she failed. She was in her 70s and her dementia was already too obvious. I’m only 66 and hopefully still alert enough to pass. But I was surprised by the depth of the interview.

When the insurance company’s representative called early Monday morning, she told me that I would need to have the following information available for the interview:

Medical records for the past ten years, including:

names, addresses, and phone numbers of all physicians I had seen

all medications, prescription and over-the-counter, including dosages and conditions for which I am taking the medications

which physician prescribed each medication, when it was first prescribed, and whether or not the medications were correcting the problems

any surgeries, physical therapy, or other treatments; names of the diagnoses and outcome of the treatments

any diagnostic tests, i.e. MRI, CAT scans, EKG, EEG, stress tests, etc., and the results

any broken bones, treatment, and results

specifically any cancer (I’m a survivor from 2001), Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s, dementia, etc.

any family history of Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s, etc. BEFORE AGE 65 (Thankfully they didn’t ask about after age 65, since both my mother and my grandmother died from Alzheimer’s, but the onset was in their 70s.)

I spent about an hour and a half before the interview, gathering all of that information from two file drawers full of medical files. Although it was time-consuming, I’m glad to have had a reason to compile this information into one (4-page) document for future reference.

One hour and 15 minutes of the interview was taken up with me verbally giving all of this information to the interviewer, and answering other specific medical questions. And then she asked something that surprised me:

How much time do you spend volunteering?

Volunteering? Does this have something to do with qualifying for long-term care insurance? Suddenly I felt defensive.

Um, I work.

Oh (surprised tone). What do you do?

I’m a self-employed writer. I work from home. I published three books last year, and drove over 9,000 miles to 40 events where I spoke about those books.

About how many hours a week do you spend on this work?

Well, on weeks when I’m not traveling and speaking, I spend about 30 hours a week at the computer, either writing or marketing my books. But then there are weeks when I’m traveling for several days, so I’m not sure how many hours that is.

Okay, so back to volunteering. How many times a month do you volunteer?

Seriously? (I didn’t say that, but I was thinking it.) Well, since I work pretty much full time, my “volunteer work” is mostly spontaneous—taking a meal to someone who is sick or having a baby, visiting with a friend who is house-bound, that sort of thing. But I don’t really think of that as “volunteering.”

Okay. Let’s talk about exercise. How often and how do you exercise?

That one was easier: 3-4 times a week, 20 minutes on the elliptical machine.

The interviewer kept saying “thank you!” after each of my answers, with a tone one might use with a child, which was kind of annoying, but I pressed on.

CHT177480Finally, after one hour and 15 minutes of detailed questions, she got to the “memory” part of the interview. Of course. When my brain was tired. But thankfully it was really easy and only took about 15 minutes. First she asked me simple questions like today’s date, where I live, my name, address, date of birth, etc. Next she said a series of 4, 5 and then 6 one-digit numbers and had me repeat them back to her. She had me do a series of simple math equations. And then the fun part. (She was dealing with a writer, right?) She called out ten words, one at a time, and asked me to repeat the word and use it in a sentence. She did this twice, for some reason. And then a few minutes later, after the math quiz, she asked me to repeat as many of those words as I could remember. I remembered them all. In fact, I think I can remember them now: silver, orange, elephant, piano, mother, paper, glass, nose, captain, rope. Interesting selection of words, right? I think it would have been more fun if she had asked me to use them all in one sentence. Like this:

The elephant’s mother’s nose was decorated with silver and orange ropes, and the captain rode on top of the elephant reading a newspaper and drinking a glass of sherry.

So now we wait for the results—hopefully good results—and finalize the financial part of the application. It feels good to do this. Since my mother didn’t qualify for long-term-care insurance, she ran out of money after three years in assisted living and only a couple of years in a nursing home. Thankfully Medicaid kicked in and took care of her final years in nursing home care. Our situation is different, and this feels like the right thing to do. Our financial planner and the company we’re working with are reputable, and if we want to cancel the policy at some point, we get our money back, which is pretty amazing.

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Now if I can just remember where I put my cell phone….

120 Days….

treatment-120-days-badgeI had my last drink four months ago today, on September 8, 2017. (If you missed my post about quitting drinking, it’s here: “0 Meetings in 90 Days.”) Hopefully my brain cells are restoring themselves. Since both my mother and my grandmother died from Alzheimer’s, I’m hoping that my choice to be alcohol-free will help, although my grandmother never drank. Or smoked. And was never overweight. She lived a simple, completely drug-free life, but still died from Alzheimer’s.

So, this week we are signing me up for long-term care insurance. We’ve done our research, with help from our financial planner, and it seems like a good thing to do. Just in case.

A friend just sent me a link to this article in The Atlantic:

“Even Small Amounts of Alcohol Impair Memory,” by Olga Khazan.

Another reason to be glad that I quit drinking altogether, rather than choosing to try to drink moderately.

IMG_1176Meanwhile, my new struggle is to learn how to use the same cognitive process I used to quit drinking in order to change my eating habits. I feel a strong addictive pull towards certain junk foods that I once felt towards alcohol. I understand that this is common for people who quit drinking, but I want to get a handle on it. Fondue chocolate (I just melt it in a mug and eat it with a spoon) and kettle-cooked potato chips (I often eat a whole bag at one sitting) are my main two cravings these days.
Oh, and I’ve almost completely quit drinking Cokes, which I loved almost as much as vodka! But I’ve switched to Diet Coke with Splenda. I know it’s also not so great for me, but it’s a step in the right direction. Except that it has lots of caffeine. But I only drink decaf coffee (usually one cup in the morning) so maybe the caffeine from the Diet Cokes with Splenda (3-4/day) isn’t hurting too much. (When I was still drinking real Cokes, I only drank 1-2 of the tiny ones each day.)

Somehow I’ve got to re-introduce healthy vegetables into my daily diet. I probably only eat vegetables 3-4 times a week, rather than several times a day. Gonna’ work on that in 2018. I don’t have an actual “New Year’s resolution,” but the beginning of a new year does feel like a good time to set goals. For me, getting a handle on compulsive eating is #1, and starting a new book is #2. Since I’ve already published 3 books (with a 4th coming in May), writing another book definitely seems easier than quitting the chocolate and chips, but we’ll see how it goes.

What are your goals (personal? professional?) for 2018?

0 Meetings in 90 Days—My Final Post of 2017

90 in 90I had planned to post this on December 8, but I decided to sit on it for awhile, just to be sure I wanted to go public with it. Having returned from a wonderful Christmas visit with kids and grands in Colorado, and now as I prepare for our (almost) annual New Year’s Day/St. Basil’s Day party on Monday, I have decided that I want to share this important part of “my story.” This clarity came to me yesterday as I was checking out at the liquor store, where I purchased three bottles of liquor for “Mississippi Bourbon Punch,” a hit at many of our parties, and 8 bottles of wine. I realized that although I will be drinking sparkling water as I enjoy the afternoon and evening with friends, watching the bowl games and playing board games on the breakfast table, I won’t be “missing out” by abstaining from the (delicious) bourbon punch and wine. I didn’t know I would feel this way back on September 8, when I made a life-changing decision. So, here’s the post I wrote 90 days later….

0 Meetings in 90 Days—December 8, 2017

I’ve considered quitting drinking for a number of years, and I even visited an AA meeting once, about ten years ago. I read a good bit of their literature, and as happy as I am for the millions of people it has helped, it has never resonated with me personally. So, today I’m sharing a different approach that I discovered a few months ago. Why today? Well, if I was in AA, today I would be getting my 90-day “chip.” My last drink was on September 8.

AA encourages people to go to “90 meetings in 90 days” when they first quit drinking—either on their own or in a treatment center. I understand their reasons—those first three months can be tough, and people need support. It’s just that my support has come from other sources. I’d like to share a little bit about those sources, beginning with a book.

This Naked Mind coverI don’t remember how I heard about Annie Grace’s book, This Naked Mind: Control Alcohol, Find Freedom, Discover Happiness, and Change Your Life.(Check out the reviews on Goodreads for responses from more readers.) I read This Naked Mind over one weekend (September 8-10) and made the decision to quit drinking before I even finished the book. This is the first time I’ve ever made this decision, although I’ve thought about it for many years, being concerned about the effect alcohol was having on my body and mind. But every time I considered it, I couldn’t imagine dealing with anxiety, stress, physical pain, and even social events without it. And now—90 days in—I’ve never been more hopeful about my life and my health.

There’s not one word about God or faith in this book—it’s strictly scientific and anecdotal. But I prayed fervently as I read, and I continue to pray every day for God’s grace to continue the journey. It’s been nothing short of amazing so far. Sure, there have been times (almost daily) when I’ve craved a drink, but by God’s grace I’ve been able to remind myself that (1) one drink is never enough and (2) any amount of alcohol is bad for me. You might not agree with that last statement, and I have no desire to argue or convince, but if you’re curious, Grace’s book has over 250 endnotes, many citing academic/medical/scientific sources to back up her mission, which she states clearly near the end of the book:

My mission, the mission of This Naked Mind, is to change how our society views alcohol, to expose the truth and to provide tools to change our direction.

Grace believes that alcohol is bad for everyone, not just for people who have or have had “problems” with it. Her view is that the alcohol is the problem, and that’s it’s bad for everyone. It’s an extremely addictive drug. She even discourages drinking moderately, citing how bad one or two drinks a day is for your health. She’s definitely an anti-alcohol vigilante, spreading her message through her book, websites, workshops, etc.

One thing that struck me as different about Annie Grace’s approach than any I had read before is that she blames the drink, not the drinker. Her tone throughout the book is positive, hopeful, and non judgmental. Her own story is woven through the narrative, which gives it a strong, personal message.

So, what does Grace mean by “the naked mind”? In Chapter 1 she says:

Did you know your unconscious mind is responsible for your desires?… Unconscious learning happens automatically and unintentionally through experiences, observations, condition, and practice. We’ve been conditioned to believe we enjoy drinking. We think it enhances our social life and relieves boredom and stress. We believe these things below our conscious awareness. This is why, even after we consciously acknowledge that alcohol takes more than it gives, we retain the desire to drink.

She explains in much detail, which I won’t do here, how stressful it is when our conscious and unconscious minds are at war with each other, which she calls “cognitive dissonance.” And then she says:

Your opinions about alcohol and your desire to drink spring from the lifelong mental conditioning of your unconscious mind…. The goal of This Naked Mind is to reverse the conditioning in your unconscious mind by educating your conscious mind…. You can easily and peacefully end the conflict inside your brain.

And somehow, by God’s grace, that’s what I’ve been doing for the past 90 days. It sounds too simple, doesn’t it? And yet, I am experiencing this right now. Every time my unconscious mind tells me that a drink will help (relieve anxiety, stress, or pain, or enhance pleasure) I choose (with my conscious mind) to believe that it will not help, and I don’t take that drink. Whenever I’m tempted to have “just one,” I remind myself that one is never enough. That over the years I’ve conditioned my body to need more than one drink in order to get the relief or pleasure I’m seeking. And the conflict between my unconscious and conscious mind is lessening every day.

If you’re interested in what Grace has to say about how the alcohol industry markets their products (fascinating and scary) and also the details about the specific ways that alcohol is bad for you, read the book or check out her web site. And for my friends whose lives have been blessed by Alcoholics Anonymous, I hope that I haven’t offended you. I’ve just never been able to accept the theory that people who are addicted to an addictive drug have an incurable disease. As Grace says:

The nebulous idea of an addictive personality allows us to protect our precious alcohol. We focus on the addictive personality, which makes alcohol dangerous for them but not for us. We protect the alcohol and blame the individual. This takes hope away from the alcoholic, encouraging them to believe they are powerless against their personality…. A collection of traits, which can have positive or negative implications for someone’s life, should not be stigmatized and labeled as “addictive.”

I’ll close with a comment from Grace about moderation, which had been my goal before reading her book.  She explains about how dopamine creates tolerance, so that the brain craves more than just one drink. Her words ring so true to me, 90 days in:

Moderation is like an alcohol diet that will continue for the rest of your life.

Instead of struggling with moderation (and poisoning my body in the process) I am choosing to abstain, and I feel better than I have in years.

It’s Not Just About the Building

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A few months ago I was invited to write a guest blog post for Charli Riggle’s blog, which features articles and information about disabilities, as well as children’s books, and spirituality. (Charli is a diverse and brilliant woman. Check out her new web site.) The post is up now:

“It’s Not Just About the Building”

I hope you’ll click on the link and read it and leave a comment.

Today I’m off to Eupora, Mississippi, to the Webster County Friends of the Library group to talk with them about my novel CHERRY BOMB. And on Saturday I’ll be in Nashville at the Southern Festival of Books, where I’m on a panel at 4 p.m., also talking about my novel CHERRY BOMB. To keep up with where I’ll be when, visit my EVENTS page on my web site.

Have a great week!

Silver Linings Playbook: Part III

neck xray side July 2013A week or so ago, I whined here about the pain I’ve been having in my neck. I hate to complain, and I try hard not to whine at home all the time, knowing that I’ll get a compassionate response from my husband. But who wants to live with someone who complains all the time, right? (Those are screws fusing my C4 through L1 vertebrae.)

So this morning I had an appointment with a pain specialist at Campbell Clinic. I had seen Dr. Martinez a few years ago—before my wreck—and had liked his professional and compassionate manner. Our visit this morning did not disappoint.

My appointment was for 7:40 a.m. at a clinic that is 30-45 minutes from my house, especially in rush-hour traffic. But having an early appointment meant not having to wait long, which was good. And once I was in the exam room, he took lots of time with me, really listening—really hearing me—about my pain. This is something I did NOT experience at the neurology clinic in May.
First he talked with me and examined my neck and got all the specifics he could gather about my pain. Then he looked at the x-rays that were done at the neurologist’s clinic in May. Then he sent me for a couple of more x-rays to get some different views. Then he met with me again and we discussed my options. He definitely recommended physical therapy, and I’ll start the first of six sessions next Tuesday. I’m thrilled that he suggested the director of their PT program, who is a friend of mine whom I worked with after my wreck and surgeries four years ago.

Then he talked with me about other options, including an occipital nerve block, and maybe an ultra-sound-guided block. He would do the first one. A colleague (I assume a surgeon but I forgot to ask) would do the more invasive one, under anesthesia.

I’m a real wimp about needles and pain, but I’m also tired of this on-going pain and stiffness. So here’s what I’ve decided:

Next Tuesday I’ll have my first PT appointment and will discuss these options with my friend/physical therapist. Then I’ll decide whether to (a) wait until I’ve had all 6 PT appointments (and I imagine also doing work at home) to decide whether or not to do the nerve block, or (b) go ahead and schedule the nerve block.

As I’m reading this I’m thinking this is a boring blog post, but I felt like I had bombarded my readers with so much about my books, and publishing, and all of that, so I just decided to share what’s going on.

If any of you have had nerve blocks, I’d love to hear about your experience, and your advice. Leave me a comment here or on Facebook. And thanks, always, for reading! (Hopefully I’ll have something more upbeat here on Friday!)

Silver Linings Playbook Part II: Hope Revisited

SuSuat-Campbell-Clinic-180x300Four years ago this past weekendI was in a near-fatal car wreck just outside Fairhope, Alabama. July 7, just before midnight. I was taken by ambulance to a hospital in Pensacola, Florida, where surgeries were performed on my (broken) neck, right leg, and ankle. I left there four days later with lots of hardware from the surgeries, much of which is still in my body. My first blog post three weeks later tells a bit about what happened: “Silver Linings Playbook Part I: Hope.”

Here I am four years later and while I still see the silver lining in what happened to me, I’ve had increasing pain and stiffness in my neck for the past few months. So, I decided to go for a follow up at the neurology office where I was seen for my neck four years ago. They did an x-ray, said that nothing had changed, and to come back in a year for another x-ray. I had done several weeks of physical therapy four years earlier, but they never asked me to come back for follow up after that. When I asked the doctor about doing some stretching exercises or more PT for the pain and stiffness he said not to. Just leave it alone.

I left the office disheartened. I understand that I’ll have to live with some stiffness and lack of mobility in my neck, but the increase in pain—and regular headaches—doesn’t seem that something that should be ignored. I felt like I had just been dismissed.

My massage therapist has also been concerned, and so I talked with a physical therapist/friend this weekend, who encouraged me to see a pain specialist at the orthopedic clinic where he works. This morning I called to make an appointment, and they put me in touch with their “spinal liaison” who asked for surgical records from the surgery that had been done in 2013 in Florida, so that their physicians could review it and determine whether I needed more diagnostic tests done, or whether their pain specialist could help me. I’m waiting on their review now.

Caught me without my neck brace, which I wore for six months, but took off at times.

Caught me without my neck brace, which I wore for six months, but took off at times.

I’m sure that the hours I spend at the computer and also poring over books doesn’t help. Most evenings I have pain trying to sit up and watch TV or read, and I’m always relieved when I can finally go to bed and lay my head down flat. I feel immediate relief. The human head weighs between 10 and 12 pounds, which might not sound like much until you think about a neck full of metal screws is holding it up. And waking up with a headache every day isn’t fun.

So now I’m revisiting “hope” for some relief as I wait to hear back from the clinic. Hope that physical therapy and/or some other non-surgical relief will be coming soon. Thanks for reading… I don’t mean to complain, as I have so much to be thankful for. Every time I feel the pain, I’m reminded that I could have died or been paralyzed.

Hoping to get some relief before starting up my book tour for Cherry Bomb in August. Stay tuned!

How Jackie Kennedy Stayed Slim; Managing Cravings

indexKathy McKeon, who served as Jackie Kennedy’s live-in assistant and sometimes nanny to her children from 1964 to 1977, has written a memoir, Jackie’s Girl: My Life With the Kennedy Family. In an excerpt published in People Magazine, McKeon reveals (among other things) Jackie’s secret for staying thin. A typical daily diet for her would look something like this: A boiled egg and tea in the morning, cottage cheese with fresh fruit at lunch, and a poached chicken breast or fish with a salad or steamed vegetables for dinner.

The memoir excerpt also reveals that Jackie often sneaked into the kitchen at night for ice cream… “just one spoonful… but a big spoon.”

If you’ve been following my blog for a while you know that I struggle with eating disorders, weight gain and loss, up and down up and down for all of my life. Finally just over a year ago I managed to lost 17 pounds by maintaining a 1000-calorie diet for about six months and working out on the elliptical 2-3 times a week, but then I gained most of it back last summer when I got depressed after my mother died.

article-1370573-014E7F3300000578-65_468x405So… A couple of months ago my husband and I both decided to try again. He wanted to lose at least 20 pounds, and I wanted to lose 30 or more. We started out on this together during Great Lent, which is a time of fairly serious fasting for Orthodox Christians, but also just a good time for self-discipline. I’m pretty sure he’s lost at least 15 pounds, and I’ve lost 12, and we’re still going. We laughed one day when I said we should publish a book with our weight-loss secret. It would be a short book. Only two words: DON’T EAT. Seriously. He would eat one TINY meal a day, and I would eat 2-3 TINY snacks a day. I didn’t count calories, but I’m sure I’ve been staying under 1000 most days. I’m still at it… considering it a long-term lifestyle change, not a “diet.”
But I also allow that BIG SPOON of ice cream (or other treat) whenever I have a craving. Just not a big BOWL. It’s all about eating TINY amounts of food when you’re in your sixties and your metabolism has screeched to a halt.

Susan B. Roberts, coauthor of a Tufts University study on cravings, says that people who manage their weight best give in to cravings at times, and do it happily. I’m finding that works for me, too. No more guilt. And these “legal” binges can prevent the “illegal” ones that can end up in the consumption of hundreds of unwanted calories. (I’m still working on chips—which are super hard to eat in moderation.)

I’ll probably blog about my journey again as it continues, so please stay tuned. It’s helpful to know I’m not alone!

The Waiting Room

33f98cedcdb846c0743b8121f56fa391The waiting room at a cardiology imaging center is a microcosm of the medical world of Baby Boomers. This afternoon I spent three hours getting an echo cardiogram and a nuclear stress test. In between each phase of these tests, patients return to the “interior waiting room” (in our hospital gowns) to wait for the next part. Today the two men and four women in my group shared interesting stories and bonded in a way you wouldn’t expect strangers to bond in a three-hour period. Especially knowing that you’ll probably never see each other again. And although I was a bit anxious about having the tests done (because of an irregular EKG of unknown cause at my annual physical recently) my anxiety was lessened by the company of these men and women.

Most of us were in our sixties, although one woman must have been in her seventies since her grandchildren are in college or recent grads. But she looked so young. Sadly, her mother died of a heart attack at age 36, and she had her first one at age 40. She’s got stents in her heart, her legs, even her kidneys. Also a new-fangled pacemaker (dual chambers?) So she was used to having these tests and more (like cardiac caths). She had a beautiful smile (loved those dimples!) and was calm and cheerful all afternoon.

One of the men was nervous about whether or not he could do the treadmill test, since he had a hip replaced a couple of years ago. When he returned to the waiting room to tell us he aced it, we high-fived him like old friends.

The hot topic was the injection they give to stress your heart if you can’t do the treadmill test. My husband had this done about  ten years ago and felt like he was dying—I guess he had a strong reaction to it. He claims they have quit using that drug, but I was scared to try it and was determined to do the treadmill test, although I have screws in my right ankle and haven’t done anything more stressful than the elliptical (no impact) or walking 5-6 miles a day in Paris last May, so I wasn’t sure how I would do. NO PROBLEM. Sure, my blood pressure got up to 180/something, and my pulse hit 160 (which they wanted it to) but my ankle never hurt and I wasn’t huffing and puffing too badly. More high-fives when I returned to the waiting room.

A 62-year-old black woman who looked ten years older and was too impaired to do a treadmill test was also anxious about the injection. She also has a pacemaker. The last time she had it she got nauseated and threw up, feeling like her heart was leaping out of her chest. Today’s experience for her was much milder, thank God. They must have changed the chemical they use.

The other gentleman also has metal in his foot and leg (like me) from falling out of a hunting blind and wasn’t sure he could do the treadmill. Another ace. Another high-five.

The last woman in our group was a bit overweight and unable to do the treadmill, but she weathered the injection fairly well, telling us that her blood pressure bottomed out and they had to deal with that, but otherwise, no problem.

I left three hours later greatly relieved (and feeling healthier than others in the group) although I won’t know what’s causing the irregular EKGs until some time next week. I’m always more anxious about the tests themselves than the results (I know that’s irrational but I’m a wimp) so for now I’m just glad this part is over. Next up? A colonoscopy this June. I’m three years overdue and finally getting my courage up. (I have done the FIT test every year for the past few years.) I’ve heard they’ve made the prep much easier (I threw up doing the prep last time, which was 13 years ago) so I’m getting ready to schedule this for early this summer. I don’t think the recovery room at the GI Center will be nearly as much fun….

The Afternoon of Life

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In Monday’s post I wrote about three seasons of life as I saw them in Petula Clark’s song, “Fill the World With Love,”—the morning, noon, and evening. Yesterday I was talking about this with a friend (who is in her eighties) over coffee at her kitchen table and I said, “You know, I think I may be in the afternoon of my life. Surely I am past the noontime and not yet to the evening.” She agreed and encouraged me that the afternoon of our life holds much that is wonderful.

At home later in the day I found an email from her with a quote from Jung, so I Googled the topic and found this article which reflects on Jung’s wisdom about this season, “Enjoying the Afternoon of Life: Jung on Aging.” There is much wisdom in this article, but I especially like this part:

Jung called the elder years—those from c. age 56 to c. 83—the “afternoon of life,” using the analogy of the passage of the Sun through the sky from morning to night. Youth was “morning,” noon corresponded to mid-life, and night was old age, while the sixth and seventh decades see life energy wane, much as the Sun’s warmth declines as it sinks lower in the sky. Just as we need the full cycle of the Sun to support life, so we are meant to live out the full cycle of human existence, and Jung recognized this. More than just living, Jung urged us to enjoy the “afternoon” of life….

So how are we to enjoy these years, where so many of us “Baby Boomers” find ourselves? I see many people trying to stay young—those with money chasing the elusive fountain of youth with personal trainers, expansive wardrobes, makeup routines (and plastic surgery), and behavior which denies aging. While I want to remain active, I don’t want to compete with younger generations. My body won’t let me, and I want to be content, to actually enjoy the afternoon of my life. But the article at the Jungian site describes a lifestyle I’m not ready to completely embrace:

The interval between age 60 and age 80 is the time most people retire from full-time participation in the work world. Generally in this interval children have grown up, gone off to college and set up their own families. This means there is more leisure, fewer family demands, and minimal restrictions in daily life due to the demands of work. Ambitions and desires tend to decrease, and oldsters often feel relief as they “downsize” into smaller homes, condos or collective living arrangements. There may be relief also in the realization of no longer having to keep up with new technologies.

Since I never had a “career” (I was a stay-at-home mom most of my life, other than running an aerobic dance business and doing some freelance writing) I’m not “retiring” at age 65…. I just had two books published and have two more in the works. I’m just getting started! And yet, I’m doing these things without the restraints of a mother with children still at home, and yes, with more leisure. I can choose what to do with my time, which is a great gift for which I try to remember to thank God daily.
I guess my main “complaint” in the afternoon of my life is the limitations placed on me by my body—although those limitations are mostly my own fault for not taking better care of it. The weight gain, the daily aches and pains (many from the car wreck three years ago), the sagging chin and drooping eyelids, all scream at me and make me yearn for my youth. But do I really want it back, with all its anxieties? No!

Today I will move forward, learning to enjoy the afternoon of my life. I will even allow myself to take a nap when I need one, or read a book or watch a movie in the middle of the day. But I also realize that my privileged leisure comes with a responsibility to others. No longer my mother’s caregiver, and with my grandchildren 2000 miles away, it’s easy to become lazy about reaching out to others. And to feel guilty that I’m not doing more volunteer work. I talked with my octogenerarian friend about these things yesterday, and she encouraged me that I have a gift to offer—my writing—and that in order to do my art, I will need to go inward and not spread myself too thin doing multiple “good deeds.” I’m still thinking about that, and trying to consider my writing as a full time job. That and taking care of my body. I’m so lazy when it comes to exercise, which will greatly help the aches and pains and weight management.  So how do I move forward?

Jung felt the older person had the opportunity to re-imagine him or herself. Approaching life with a new sense of freedom and individuality, the oldster can improvise more, with less need for perfection and more boldness in affirming his/her uniqueness. No longer feeling the need to honor the past, no longer needing to honor dysfunctional family patterns, the oldster can even dare to be outrageous, to adopt the persona that feels right, rather than conform to what society expects.

I love what this says about no longer needing to “honor dysfunctional family patterns.” I’ve struggled with issues from the past for 65 years. Many of those issues have fueled my writing, but as I begin a new novel (yes!) I want to move on, to leave those issues in the past, and to “dare to be outrageous,” whatever that might mean for this season of my life. Hopefully I can tell a new story (one that has been percolating for only a few weeks) without those shackles. Here’s to the afternoon of life!

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