Mental Health Monday: Depression is Not a Lazy Susan

Still-Life-publishedI know, I know. I didn’t write a “Faith on Friday” post this past Friday. Funny… but I was busy with coffee with a writer friend and lunch with another friend… and yet by mid afternoon, I was depressed. Because depression knows no favorites and takes no captives. It just kills creative impulses.

So, today, I woke up thinking about what to write for Mental Health Monday. And here it is… 3 p.m. in the afternoon, and what have I done?

Two loads of laundry.

Some necessary paperwork.

Planned the menu for a literary salon I’m hosting this coming Thursday night.

Read more in an incredible book, Still Life: A Memoir of Living Fully with Depression by Gillian Marchenko (watch for a review on this amazing book soon).

Watched the 1989 movie, “Dead Poets’ Society,” which is now one of my favorites.

Downed two vodka martinis.

Next up? Working out on the elliptical, supper prep, and ????

It’s hot as Hades here in Memphis today. Our house has been invaded by flies (we’ve killed dozens the past two days) and I’ve got 25-30 women coming here for a salon in three days. I’m going to buy some fly strips at Home Depot if they are still here tomorrow. Wouldn’t you be depressed?

But that’s not really the point. The point, as Marchenko so eloquently says in her book, is this:

Depression is not a lazy susan. Depression is a savage. It sucks my life down its gullet; I slide like a sip of bourbon. I’m worthless. A waste. I’m no longer a wife, a mother or even a Christian. I am depressed. Here. Now. People say you can choose happy. Okay, I choose it every day. But it doesn’t choose me.

Happy doesn’t choose me. That’s how I’ve felt much of my life. I’m only half way through this amazing book, so I”m not going to say more today.

Except that I wish I had written The Dead Poets’ Society. Brilliant.

That’s all.

 

 

 

 

 

4 comments


  • Wishing you relief from depression, uncomfortable weather, and flies.

    July 19, 2016
    • I love your comment… the flies are diminishing slowly, the weather is here for awhile (it IS the South), and the depression comes and goes, but I’m learning to live with it.

      July 19, 2016
  • Hang in there, Susan! I recently started antidepressants (again – took them for a while a few years back). The past year has been so hard. I was so depressed and broken. I am starting to feel better. Just know that you are not alone. And I LOVE the title of this post! It’s really perfect for what you wrote here. :)

    July 19, 2016
    • I’ve never tried meds, although I’ve considered it over the years. A close friend has been on meds for depression for many years but recently had some bad side effects. It seems the trick is finding what works and doesn’t have those negative effects. Glad you are feeling better. Looks like your family has done some fun things together! Thanks for reading and commenting.

      July 19, 2016

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