If you’re here for my usual “Faith on Friday” post, please come back next Friday. Or, because today is the Feast of the Dormition of the Mother of God (in the Orthodox Christian Church) you can read a nice post about the importance of the Mother of God, “Leaving Mary Out,” by Father Stephen Freeman.) In this icon, Christ is receiving His mother’s soul into Heaven.)
Meanwhile, I’m more focused on the body than the soul today. Please don’t judge me.
It’s just that I didn’t know that at age 63 my body would be demanding so much of my attention. Even before my car wreck last summer (which left me with a broken neck, leg and ankle and lots of permanent hardware, stiffness, and pain) I was frustrated with my own lack of self-discipline in the area of exercise. We have an elliptical machine in my office with a big screen TV to distract me, and yet I don’t use it half as much as I should. And when I go for walks in our neighborhood, my ankle usually hurts afterwards.
Hard to believe that I ran an aerobic dance business back in the ‘80s. (Yep, that’s me in the black and blue leotard, with some of my instructors in 1986.) And yet even when I weighed 115-120 pounds (at 5 feet 5 inches) I still thought I was fat. My eating disorders and body image distortion were in full swing, even during the years that I looked healthy. What I wouldn’t give to have that “fat” body back today!
This morning I walked to our nearby coffee shop and on the way I ran into a neighbor. She was returning home from her workout at the inbalance fitness center, which is also about two blocks from our house, near the coffee shop. (And it’s open 24/7.) She’s about my age, but trim and fit. She told me that she has a personal trainer who designs and then adjusts her workout program for her. With my background in the fitness business, I could do this for myself at home (although I only have bands and no machines for upper body work) but I can’t seem to make myself.
I ran into another neighbor, who is at least ten years older than me, the other day. She was walking her dog and usually stops to chat when I’m reading on my front porch. But that day she said she didn’t have time to chat… she needed to get to her yoga class. She’s also very slim and fit. I wish I could do yoga, but I can’t do most of the positions required due to my injuries and also arthritic knees.
Exercising in the water would be great, but I’m embarrassed (and yes, too proud) to be seen in a swim suit in public. (Somehow I lose that inhibition at the beach.) Hoping to win the lottery (or get a good book deal) so we can afford to put in an “endless pool” outside our sun room.
Maybe it’s time for some outside help. I’m tired of my body kicking my soul’s ass.