I know, I know. I didn’t write a “Faith on Friday” post this past Friday. Funny… but I was busy with coffee with a writer friend and lunch with another friend… and yet by mid afternoon, I was depressed. Because depression knows no favorites and takes no captives. It just kills creative impulses.
So, today, I woke up thinking about what to write for Mental Health Monday. And here it is… 3 p.m. in the afternoon, and what have I done?
Two loads of laundry.
Some necessary paperwork.
Planned the menu for a literary salon I’m hosting this coming Thursday night.
Read more in an incredible book, Still Life: A Memoir of Living Fully with Depression by Gillian Marchenko (watch for a review on this amazing book soon).
Watched the 1989 movie, “Dead Poets’ Society,” which is now one of my favorites.
Downed two vodka martinis.
Next up? Working out on the elliptical, supper prep, and ????
It’s hot as Hades here in Memphis today. Our house has been invaded by flies (we’ve killed dozens the past two days) and I’ve got 25-30 women coming here for a salon in three days. I’m going to buy some fly strips at Home Depot if they are still here tomorrow. Wouldn’t you be depressed?
But that’s not really the point. The point, as Marchenko so eloquently says in her book, is this:
Depression is not a lazy susan. Depression is a savage. It sucks my life down its gullet; I slide like a sip of bourbon. I’m worthless. A waste. I’m no longer a wife, a mother or even a Christian. I am depressed. Here. Now. People say you can choose happy. Okay, I choose it every day. But it doesn’t choose me.
Happy doesn’t choose me. That’s how I’ve felt much of my life. I’m only half way through this amazing book, so I”m not going to say more today.
Except that I wish I had written The Dead Poets’ Society. Brilliant.