It was the fall of 1963. An iconic time for me and others at Chastain Junior High School in Jackson, Mississippi. But I/we had no idea about the big events that were on horizon. I was twelve years old and only concerned about the 7th grade dance. It would be my first.
I wash crushing on a tall, dark, “exotic” boy. Gary was unique at our school because he was from “up north.” I’m not sure about my facts here, but I think his father worked for the F.B.I. More about that later.
As the date of the dance neared, I kept waiting for Gary to invite me. But then I got a call from another seventh grader I didn’t know very well. Stewart Guernsey was very short (like me, actually) and pretty cute. I accepted his invitation. But then Gary called and invited me, and I accepted his. So I told Stewart I already had another invite. Oh, dear! What was I to do?
Well, I couldn’t sleep that night, so I called Stewart back and asked if he would still take me, and he said yes! I called Gary back and told him I was going with Stewart, since he asked me first. I remember telling him that I hoped he would be there and I would save a dance for him.
The night of the dance came. I don’t actually remember what I wore (strange, for me, who loves fashion) but I do remember a moment at the dance when everyone formed a big circle around Stewart and me (yes!) and clapped as we danced! I think it was because we were both so little and “cute” but maybe also we could actually dance? Who knows! But it was something I will always remember. And it felt good to have done “the right thing.”
I don’t have any pictures of us at the dance, or of my in the seventh grade (that I can find right now) but here’s one in the 9th grade. We were babies!!!
(The “rest of the story” with Gary? We started “dating”/going steady and I went with him to a couple of parties. One night we went to his house, and there was a cross burning in his front yard. This must have had something to do with his father, but I never understood. We were, after all, twelve years old.)
Meanwhile Stewart and I really didn’t connect much again until high school. We became good friends at Murrah High School. We never dated, but he was always one of the group of guys I hung out with, most of whom worked on the school newspaper, The Hoofbeat. But I regret losing contact with Stewart after high school, and was so happy to see him at our 55th class reunion in Jackson this past summer. (See top photo.) Another classmate, Robert Cooper, brought Stewart with him (from Oxford, Mississippi, where they both live) because “Stew” was a resident in an assisted living facility, struggling with dementia. We exchanged a big hug and as much of a conversation as we could both muster with all the noise and music going on at the reunion. At one point, I remember being a bit teary.
And then I read his obituary, just a few days ago. He died on August 22, 2024, from pneumonia. Possibly a blessing, since he might have lived with increasing dementia and maybe full-blown Alzheimer’s for many years in an altered state, as my own mother did. More tears filled my eyes as read about the incredible life he had lived. I wish I had been closer to him all those years. What an amazing man! I’m especially impressed with the work he did on behalf of homeless people, as I continue to put together my latest book, an anthology: MEMPHIS CARES: Homelessness, Hunger, Mental Illness, and Incarceration. I will close with Stewart’s obituary. Love you, Stew.
Ralph “Stewart”Guernsey Obituary
Obituary published on Legacy.com by Coleman Funeral Home and Cremation Services of Oxford on Aug. 27, 2024.
Ralph Stewart Guernsey Born September 9, 1951, Jackson, Mississippi; Died August 22, 2024, Oxford Mississippi.
Stewart was the second of four children born to Sue Stewart Dunning Guernsey and Judge Carl Eugene Guernsey of Jackson. His parents and two younger siblings, Gene Guernsey, and Dr Julia Guernsey Shaw Pitchford, predeceased him.
He is survived by his older Sister, Dr Elizabeth G Jacobs (W. Carl Jacobs M.D.) of Atlanta GA and now Charlotte North Carolina. Also surviving are five nieces and nephews: Dr Katherine Jacobs of Leesburg VA; W. Carl Jacobs Jr, m.d. (Joelle) of Charlotte North Carolina; Melissa Cooper of Columbus Mississippi; Nicholas Guernsey (Carolyn) of Atlanta, Georgia; and Christopher Shaw of Monroe Louisiana. He leaves behind also 9 great nieces and nephews. Stewart was married twice, to Nan Johnson 1992-2006, and later to Carol Guernsey from 2008-2022. He had no children.
Stewart graduated from Murrah High School in Jackson in 1969. He attended the University of Mississippi, graduating in 1973, but he stayed on to earn a law degree (JD) in 1977. In 1982 he moved to Boston in pursuit of the Masters of Divinity (MDiv) from Harvard which he finished in 1987.
Stewart nurtured a charming eccentric personality which entertained his many friends. In his final years he could be seen in a tweed sport coat with a carved wooden walking cane — holding court in some gathering or other. His nieces remember with amusement a tea party he once held for the female residents of his assisted living facility.
Stewart was known for his compassion to homeless people and to all people otherwise marginalized in our society. Some of his best work happened while he was pursuing the Divinity degree at Harvard. His first wife Nan remembers: “Stewart was so caring that he actually lived on the streets of Boston himself for a time, to experience a little of what is like to be without a home and he said it was terrifying, so he had real empathy for those who struggled.”
Stewart’s work with the homeless included two groundbreaking experiments in rehoming the homeless. He persuaded the city of Boston to donate an abandoned house for his first project by staging a sit in on the Boston Commons. Nan describes the projects this way: “Stewart’s first and most amazing project was Family House in Dorchester MA. Stewart created a real family atmosphere where everyone shared chores and ate meals together. All the residents had formerly lived on the streets due to mental illness or financial loss or drug usage, though all were clean and sober [as a condition of being admitted] when they came to Family House. It was a permanent home, not a halfway house. Second Home came later on, more like a studio apartment complex, and Stewart and I lived there after we were married in 1992.” In 1990, he was awarded the prestigious “First Decade Award” signed by the Dean of the Divinity School and the President of the Alumni Association for his work establishing and running the houses.
After his time in Boston, Stewart did some interim work for an anti-poverty organization in the Delta. After moving back to Northern Mississippi in 1998, Stewart put his law degree to work. For the remainder of his career Stewart practiced law, taking on many clients who were unable to afford the usual legal fees. He also preached from time to time, including at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Tupelo as well as First Presbyterian Church of Oxford,
The good that Stewart accomplished will endure in the lives of those he helped. Stewart the man will be remembered with affection by his friends. No public memorial service is planned. Instead the family will gather at Thanksgiving to remember their loved one, and Mississippi friends are planning a separate private memorial. Contributions in Stewart’s memory can be made to the organization of your choice which provides support and relief to the homeless of your community.