>The Way I See It #141 and Grandenonfatdecaftwosplendaextrafoamlattes

Starbucks is one of my offices away from home. As are two lovely independent coffee shops near my home. But one thing I always enjoy at Starbucks—in addition to my regular order, which some of my friends can now recite from memory: Grandenonfatdecaftwosplendaextrafoamlatte—is the quotes on their disposable coffee cups.

Yes, I use disposables. I used to ask for real cups, but the disposable ones seem to keep the drink hot longer, and they are easier for me to pick up and hold, with the arthritis in my hands.

Back to the quotes. After enjoying quite a few of them, I decided to check out the website and submit one myself. Hasn’t been “published” yet… but it’s fun and I might try it again. I found their website for quotes last October, here.

Anyway, yesterday’s quote was The Way I See It #141 by Augusten Burroughs . Augusten’s blog is here. He’s the author of Running With Scissors, and A Wolf at the Table. I loved RWS, (as usual, the book was better than the movie) but I haven’t read Wolf yet. Anyway, here’s the quote, in case you can’t read it on the picture of my lipstick-stained Starbucks cup:

I used to feel so alone in the city. All those gazillions of people and then me, on the outside. Because how do you meet a new person? I was very stumped by this for many years. And then I realized, you just say, “Hi.” They may ignore you. Or you may marry them. And that possibility is worth that one word.

So timely for me to get this quote on my Grandenonfatdecaftwosplendaextrafoamlatte yesterday morning, because I’ve been feeling like Augusten described. Like someone surrounded by gazillions of people but feeling like I’m on the outside looking in. I’ve felt that way recently at my church, which I love. And I love the people there. But on a recent Sunday morning I felt like I was having an anxiety attack after 30 minutes in the beautiful nave (sanctuary in western terms) surrounded by gorgeous icons and listening to beautiful Byzantine music (Eastern Orthodox) …. And people I love. But I couldn’t breathe. And then I started crying and couldn’t stop, so I left. And went to Starbucks and had a Grandenonfatdecaftwosplendaextrafoamlatte and read for a while until I could breathe and quit crying.

You see, I’m going through a bit of a depression. But talks with two close friends have helped me see that it’s okay to be depressed sometimes. It’s part of life. My grandmother’s generation had a word for it. They called it being “blue.” And they didn’t quickly run to do something to make the feeling go away, like smoke something or drink something or eat something or buy something, like I often do.

So I kept that coffee cup with Augusten’s words on it. It’s sitting by my computer to remind me not to be afraid to say, “hi” to someone… to embrace people… and even to embrace my feelings of loneliness and depression.

It’s no surprise that green is my favorite color. It represents life, vibrancy, creativity. But today, I’m going to try to welcome blue to my palette.

And ignore the worm that still lives on my computer, since I haven’t been able to kill it yet. And I had less hits on my post on Tuesday than I’ve ever had. Seems no one wants to read about worms. I can’t say I blame you.